Magazine Column — Published October

I want to go back. Back to when my Grandma had her babies. Don’t think it was easier then? It was. And I’ll tell you why. Choices. We have too many Choices. Oh, sure. The women’s rights movement rocked. Big time. When the dust settled women earned the right to choose. Choose our leaders. Choose abortion. Choose any career path. Choose to be with a woman.  Choose to have a baby – all on our own. BIG freaking choices. Then enter the INFORMATION age. Wanna know something — just Google it. Crude answers by the dozens. Baby doesn’t sleep? Ferberize ‘em. But that might cause brain damage. Co-sleep then. But you might smother your baby. Breastfeed? Vaccines? Cloth Diapers? Attachment parenting? Time out? Go back to work? Stay at home? Preschool. There are 10 in your zip code. Ratings. Reviews. Montessori. Waldorf. Language inclusive. Sports? Football or Soccer. Baseball or Swimming. Ballet or Tap. And you just gotta do girl scouts. Shuttle, shuttle. WAIT! Family dinner. Six p.m. sharp. Speaking of which…Food. Organic? Value? Eco? Natural? Convenience? Antibiotic-free? Tasty? Local? Fast? Homemade? Could he have a learning disability? Then what? What is ADHD anway? IS SHE READY FOR A SLEEPOVER? His Knees Hurt. Could be growing pains. Maybe attention-seeking. Or maybe, just maybe, he has cancer. Damn. CALL THE DOCTOR. Blood tests, MRI or a CT? I don’t have a medical degree, doc. You do. See a specialist? Sure, I LOVE paying copays – but sometimes living without worry is worth it. Now we need to talk to her about sex? How? When? Who? And…sigh…where? If there is sex, should be it be in our house?  Should we offer protection? Or just hope that they aren’t stupid? Is even my business? What the hell happened to arranged marriages? SPRING BREAK? Are you kidding? Cabo? Or volunteer work? Do I pay? Or let you foot the bill? College. Ivy-League? Public? Loans? Do we mortgage our future for his education? WHAT!? You’re getting married? Okay. Love you. Gonna make us grandparents soon? Butt out Mom and Dad. I’m an adult. I make my own Choices.